Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Bittersweet Moments

Well this is kind of sad since I haven't posted since Addilee was 10 months old.  Now she is almost 14 months old and is acting so grown up already.

Addilee loves to eat just about anything pasta.  She loves all kinds of fruit, especially watermelon.  She wears size 18-24 month clothes.  She chews on literally EVERYTHING! She is a big time climber and gets into just about everything she can.  She is such a funny girl with so much personality.  She loves to constantly watch her sister and loves to copy everything she does.  Addi is definitely way more of a trouble maker than Kennedy ever was so that is a new experience.  She is also so lovable and cuddly.  She is mostly sleeping through the night, with only one wake up but if you rock her for just a minute she goes right back to sleep.  She is starting to get two cute little dimples and it looks like she is going to have strawberry blond hair with green/brown eyes.  She has the cutest smile and she scrunches her nose when she does smile.  We love our little Addi Mae and wouldn't change her for the world.

Now onto the bittersweet part.  It is so weird being in this stage of life where you wonder, should I have another baby now or should I just enjoy the two little girls that I have now in their fun stages.  Then have a baby later.  I know that I want more kids and whenever I see a little baby I keep getting the feeling that I want that! I want another newborn.  I want to be pregnant again.  Before Kennedy turned 1 I was pregnant with Addilee so it is so strange thinking that I'm not pregnant this time around.  I know that when the time is right it will happen.  We have had so much going on lately with Davy being gone Sunday night through Thursday night.  With us possibly building a house where we put in the labor of building it.  And so many other factors that would be tough bringing a baby into.  I then am so grateful that with my last two pregnancies I have pretty much been able to plan when I wanted to get pregnant.  I know that with so many women they aren't so lucky.  Whether it be that they have fertility problems, or maybe some other issues they are trying to figure out, I feel for them.  I cant physically feel what they are going through but I do emotionally feel for them.  I know that pretty much every woman wants to be able to bear children and be able to feel that amazingly miraculous baby grow and develop inside of them.  To feel those first kicks, to feel their hiccups, to feel them jabbing into your ribs when they are about out of room. That is our role after all as mothers isn't it? To bear and nurture children. I feel like every woman that wants to be a mother will be one. Whether it be through someone else's children or your own, every woman that has that desire can have it. Even if you can only be a motherly figure, sometimes that is the greatest blessing for children. 

As I sit here writing this while cuddling my sick baby I am reminded how amazing and how innocent these little ones are. Their personalities come out so quick and they learn so much especially through our actions. As I grow to understand my role as a mother I know that I am so far from perfect, but I do know that I am perfectly perfect for my girls. We learn from each other, we teach each other, and we also are growing together. As I learn to accept my weaknesses and strive to develop them I know that I can do anything through Christ. I love how patient and loving my girls are and I love that they see me as their mother no matter how many flaws I may have. 

Although I don't know how this will come over because it is entirely ramblings, these are my thoughts and I needed to write them down. 

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