Addilee IS HOME

I figured this would be the best way to update everyone about little Miss Addi.


On Friday night little miss Addi was up all night with a croupy cough.  I know that cough all too well as both girls have gotten it every year since they were babies.  So that sound was not a new one. I cuddled with her in a steamy bathroom for quite some time.  I did that twice in the night.  Then that morning I sat by the front door with her with the door open to get some cold air in. I did that with her numerous times.   We went downstairs and cuddled for a while and watched some movies. All the while her breathing was very rapid. Nothing seemed to help it slow down.  One time while I was cuddling her outside I said a silent prayer to myself that I would know if I needed to take her to a dr. I got the inspiration that yes I did indeed need to take her in. I took Kennedy and Kyle over to my parents house and then Kennedy ended up with a pretty high fever so I decided I should take her up too. My mom bless her heart decided to come with me even though she had to work the next day at 1 in the morning.  And she had just   gotten home from work right before we went up.  (Things Always happen  when David has his 4 day work weekend) So we made the journey up to Payson Instacare (thanks to living in a small town and the only thing available is the ER). Anyways we got to instacare and they got us in really fast! They checked Kennedy over and discovered she had an ear infection.  They then checked Addi over and decided that she needed to be seen at the ER. due to her rapid breathing and her bad Stridor. My mom and I decided to just go to the hospital in Payson. We arrived and they got us right in.  They checked her over and gave her a steroid to help open her air way.  Shortly after that they gave her a breathing treatment.  At this point her pulse was staying right around 175 (normal range is 70-110 bpm). They then decided to get a chest x-ray to make sure there wasn't pneumonia. 

We sat and waited for around 2 hours then the dr. came in and checked her.  She was sounding a little better but her pulse was still really high and her breathing was still not where it needed to be.  They decided to give her another breathing treatment to see if that would help.  She absolutely HATED the breathing treatment.  But we got that taken care of and she became feverish even after tylenol was given.  They decided to just admit her.  At this point I had been in contact with some great friends from Payson who came to give Addi a blessing, bring us some snacks, and to take Kennedy to their house to sleep the night there.  My mom also ended up going there to get some sleep. Thank you so much Niki and Jerm you guys are angels!

 Right after they all left the nurses needed to give Addi an IV. Well 5 tries later and a broken hearted mommy they finally got an IV in.  After that they had to suction out her nose which was another tough task especially because she was completely exhausted! It was now 11:00pm.  She finally fell asleep and it was now time to go up to our room on the pediactrics floor. There they had the perfect Minnie Mouse Pillow Case and a soft yellow blanket.  She didn't get to see any of these until morning because she was out! Her heart rate was finally slowing down and she was settling in really good.  They had to ask me a bunch of questions before I could get settled in.  So it was about 1 by the time I got to bed. Then they were in there every hour to check her.  So It was a long night.  She would occasionally wake up from coughing and just thrash around, not even I could settle her down.  It broke my heart all over again.  Morning came and the first thing she wanted to do was color some pictures.  I got out the coloring book and crayons they gave her the night before and she colored away.  She was feeling so much better! And my girl was finally coming back. I cannot say enough good things about the Payson Hospital and staff! They were all great to work with. They took great care of my sweet girl.  When she said that all she wanted to eat was cheese sticks, they searched the whole hospital until they could find a handful of them.  They brought her a little stuffed doll and a stuffed bear.  My sweet girl was such a trooper and was so stinking cute.  The nurses just couldn't get enough of her and her cute personality.  They all loved her freckles and her cute voice.  Thank you Payson hospital!

When I woke up that morning I received a text that my baby boy who was home with my sister had been coughing all night and throwing up.  He continued to throw up until later that morning.  :(


We are now home and relaxing.  Addi is doing better for the most part.  Kennedy is doing better for the most part, I will most likely be taking Kyle in to the dr. tomorrow for a possible ear infection.  Thank you for all your prayers and concerns. Thanks to everyone who helped me out.

Only Go Up from Here

Heavenly Father Are you Really There?

I'm not super great with words and I hope that someday I can look back at this post and remember I never want to be in this situation again.

Tonight my relationship with my girls hit rock bottom.  I yelled at them and really scared them.  You know like that moment in Monsters Inc.  where Sully is required to do a scare demonstration and Boo comes in the room and become so terrified.  Kennedy became that way, and the worst part about it is I couldn't stop.  I'm getting teary eyed just writing this because I don't understand who I have become.  I don't understand why I found so much gratification in yelling at my little girl who tries so hard to please me and looks up to me.  I sat down to dinner and all she kept saying was mommy you really scared me. You made my tummy jump, and it is still kinda jumping. But I do still love you because we all make mistakes.  It broke my heart to hear her say that over and over again.

What do you do when your outlets no longer work?  Usually I can work out/ exercise to get rid of my frustrations.  When that doesn't work I can usually go to Photography.  But to no avail neither has worked.  I have hit rock bottom.  I guess the best part of hitting rock bottom is that there is only one way to go and that is up.

"Sometimes God lets you hit rick bottom so that you will discover that He is the rock at the bottom.
As I sit here and ponder this quote it hits me hard.  Its a great reminder that the one thing that we truly need when we hit rock bottom is our Savior! I know that I could sure open way more doors to Him in my life and I know that when I do that things will get better.  Sometimes we have to go through the hardest things in life, to become the best version of ourselves.  We don't always understand why certain things happen to certain people.  But we do always need to see everyone through the Lords eyes.  I know that in my time of despair and my time of turmoil I just wish that I could do something for me and I wish that someone else would come to my aid.  But its those times that I truly need to serve someone else.  I need to find someone else that may be struggling and aid them.  Even if it is my own children.  I so often overlook them and don't think of them as needing my help, when in reality they could use my service so often. I do know that I am a great mother and I know that everyone makes mistakes and sometimes Satan gets a good hold of you.  In conjunction with that, it also helps me to understand that I need my Father in Heaven, I need that constant support, I need that love and compassion.  I know that He knows my children's needs and that he will guide me in the direction I need to go.  I know that if I pray for patience and understanding, He will give me opportunities to be more patient.  But he will also be holding my hand the whole way there.  As with a calling in the Church, if we are called to it we will be led and guided the whole time, IF we heed to His council and IF we abide by his words and love.

I do love my kids more than life itself and we do have some pretty amazing times! Sometimes motherhood is hard! I don't take even one minute for granted.  I know there are so many people that wish they could stay at home with their sweet babies.  But sometimes its just hard.  Its physically, mentally and emotionally draining.  I know that my hardest times with my kids are when I'm just so exhausted and I don't have anything left in the tank.  I know that's what happened today.  I also know that we as full time moms need to take time for ourselves.  Its just a matter of what that has me in a bind.  Thanks to everyone that has helped me and has uplifted me in one way or another.  Please if you are struggling please tell me how I can better serve you.

Broken!

You guys I broke! Last night I just broke.  I have been doing so good I have kept my temper cool and calm and handled situations with my kids without any yelling.  Until last night! Last night was not my night.  I was on day 2 of taking care of a sick, very needy little girl.  I hadn't gotten any sleep in 2 nights Davy had worked the last 2 nights and still had 3 to go and I just couldn't keep my cool.  I put Kyle to bed and he went down so easily.  Now it was time to get the girls to bed. It was already 1 hr past their bed time so I knew it would be difficult.  I asked them nicely to get their jammies on and get ready for bed while I went to the bathroom.  The entire time I was in there I heard yelling and crying and fighting.  I stayed in there a little longer to see if they would work things out and it just kept escalading, well my temper escaladed as well and I snapped! I got so upset.  I'm sure the whole neighborhood could hear. I immediately regretted my decision.  I scared my kids.  I scared myself! Why did I just do that? I didn't even fully know what had happened I just assumed the worst and I snapped!
Why is it so much easier to have patience with other kids and let them do things on their own time.  I just did a photoshoot the other day with the sweetest family.  I LOVE working with kids! It is something I really enjoy.  But I also know things have to be on their time.  And guess what, I give them that time.  I know that eventually they will come around and want to take part in what we are doing.  I always look for ways to interest them and make them want to be involved.  So why can't I do this with my own kids? Why do I struggle so much in the motherhood department. 
Sometimes it is just really hard! It is a job I wouldn't trade for ANYTHING yet it pushes me to my limits so often.  My house has suffered because I have spent so much time cuddling sick babies.  Yet I still feel so overworked.  At the end of the day I am always so exhausted!  It is my goal to be more patient! To treat my kids with more respect and to gain an understanding of where they are coming from. 

Last night I turned a new leaf.  How will my kids remember me? Will they remember me as the mom that always has my nose in my computer/phone? Or will they remember me as someone that played with them and was there for them? Will they remember me as the mom that always yelled at them and didn't ever take time to listen? Or will they remember me as the mom that understood and listened to them and helped them to understand the way they are feeling?
I want my kids to remember me for the good! I want them to bring their friends over and I want them to want to be home.  I love my kids with every fiber of my being! I love them more than words can describe! Although I may have been broken, I am picking up the pieces I am becoming the mom that my kids need! This world is so harsh, they need the example that I know I can be!


"When life changes to be harder, Change yourself to be stronger.
What hurts you today makes you stronger tomorrow."
Edwin Mamarto