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| Heavenly Father Are you Really There? |
Tonight my relationship with my girls hit rock bottom. I yelled at them and really scared them. You know like that moment in Monsters Inc. where Sully is required to do a scare demonstration and Boo comes in the room and become so terrified. Kennedy became that way, and the worst part about it is I couldn't stop. I'm getting teary eyed just writing this because I don't understand who I have become. I don't understand why I found so much gratification in yelling at my little girl who tries so hard to please me and looks up to me. I sat down to dinner and all she kept saying was mommy you really scared me. You made my tummy jump, and it is still kinda jumping. But I do still love you because we all make mistakes. It broke my heart to hear her say that over and over again.
What do you do when your outlets no longer work? Usually I can work out/ exercise to get rid of my frustrations. When that doesn't work I can usually go to Photography. But to no avail neither has worked. I have hit rock bottom. I guess the best part of hitting rock bottom is that there is only one way to go and that is up.
"Sometimes God lets you hit rick bottom so that you will discover that He is the rock at the bottom.
As I sit here and ponder this quote it hits me hard. Its a great reminder that the one thing that we truly need when we hit rock bottom is our Savior! I know that I could sure open way more doors to Him in my life and I know that when I do that things will get better. Sometimes we have to go through the hardest things in life, to become the best version of ourselves. We don't always understand why certain things happen to certain people. But we do always need to see everyone through the Lords eyes. I know that in my time of despair and my time of turmoil I just wish that I could do something for me and I wish that someone else would come to my aid. But its those times that I truly need to serve someone else. I need to find someone else that may be struggling and aid them. Even if it is my own children. I so often overlook them and don't think of them as needing my help, when in reality they could use my service so often. I do know that I am a great mother and I know that everyone makes mistakes and sometimes Satan gets a good hold of you. In conjunction with that, it also helps me to understand that I need my Father in Heaven, I need that constant support, I need that love and compassion. I know that He knows my children's needs and that he will guide me in the direction I need to go. I know that if I pray for patience and understanding, He will give me opportunities to be more patient. But he will also be holding my hand the whole way there. As with a calling in the Church, if we are called to it we will be led and guided the whole time, IF we heed to His council and IF we abide by his words and love. 
I do love my kids more than life itself and we do have some pretty amazing times! Sometimes motherhood is hard! I don't take even one minute for granted. I know there are so many people that wish they could stay at home with their sweet babies. But sometimes its just hard. Its physically, mentally and emotionally draining. I know that my hardest times with my kids are when I'm just so exhausted and I don't have anything left in the tank. I know that's what happened today. I also know that we as full time moms need to take time for ourselves. Its just a matter of what that has me in a bind. Thanks to everyone that has helped me and has uplifted me in one way or another. Please if you are struggling please tell me how I can better serve you.
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